The Pickup
by CoMo290
Summary: Set shortly after the events of ME3. Tali is enjoying a night out on Rannoch when some creep starts trying to flirt with her at a bar. Will Tali punch his lights out? Will Shepard? How did I get 2,000 carefully selected words out of such a simple concept? The answers to these questions (and more?) can all be found here!


**I'm back bitches! What's it been? Four years? I graduated from college, refined my writing style, and was generally busy with other things I don't need to get into because I don't owe you an explanation! So here's this little one shot for now, maybe I expand it, maybe I don't. I've got a couple other ideas cooking. Anyway, enjoy!  
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The Pickup

Six months after the Quarians reclaimed their home world of Rannoch, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy sat in the planet's first bar. Its name, Keelah se'Lionel's, was found to be as humorous as its owner was Quarian. It wasn't. But most in Rael City, named for Tali's father, were just happy to have a place to get together and drink, regardless of the tacky name. Although the area was densely populated due to the Quarians fairly recent reclamation, there was little in the way of enforceable laws established for the planet, let alone any kind of infrastructure. Buildings sprang up from many of the ancient repurposed ships of the Quarian fleet, or were dropped in as prefab units and became whatever they needed for as long as they were needed. Some of this was coordinated by the new local government but until there was more of an actual civilization to govern Rael City might as well have been a colony in the Terminus Systems. Luckily, the Quarians, having spent over 300 years adrift in space together as a species, were already a strong community which made crime non-existent. Even with the handful of jokers from other species, like Lionel.

Tali sat at the bar with a glass of Turian rosé. Not a color she liked to wear but one she enjoyed drinking. She was currently one of the only Quarians able to go without an exo-suit for an extended period of time and she took advantage of that fact whenever she could, even if it still meant regular injections and choking down massive antibiotics three times a day. Those minor annoyances allowed her to experience her new home completely unfiltered. And it gave her access to a realm of fashion and expression she never thought she could be a part of.

Before the Quarians reclaimed Rannoch, when their massive flotilla trailed the stars with the bulk of their population, Tali got used to sticking out in alien populations. Quarian exo-suits were hard to miss after all. But now that she rarely needed to suit up she was trying to get used to being in the opposite situation. Quarian eyes followed her everywhere she went. Most were jealous of her ability to freely breathe the air without suffering an almost immediate coughing fit. Others were just blatantly checking her out. Tali was gorgeous by nearly any sapient species' metric of beauty. Tonight at the bar her thick black hair spilled down and across her shoulders, stopping just above her breasts and the slight cleavage that was left exposed from her strapless black dress, the length of which hugged her every curve and then stopped mid-thigh.

Tali finished her glass of wine just as the bartender brought her another. Tali gave a nod in appreciation as she plucked the straw from the glass and placed it on a cocktail napkin next to the unused straw from her previous glass. The bartender saw this and shrugged.

"Sorry, force of habit." He said, but before the bartender went on to serve other customers a male human sat down on Tali's right.

"Whiskey, neat." He said. "Lagavulin, if you have it out here for some reason."

They did, for some reason. The human was light skinned, clean shaven, and his dark hair seemed to be cut in a military style, although it was somewhat rough around the edges. He took a sip of his whiskey and then did that thing people do in movies where they hold the bottom of the glass with their fingertips and then slowly rotate the glass like they've seen whiskey before.

"Not what you asked for?" Tali said.

"Exactly what I asked for, why do you ask?"

"You're looking at it like you've never seen whiskey before."

The human laughed. "Well I've seen people do that in movies, figured it would make me look more contemplative."

"I guess that means you don't have anything interesting to think about. Too bad, you look like you might be my type otherwise."

He smirked. "Actually, before I came over here I was trying to think of why it is you're the only Quarian on this whole planet who isn't wearing a suit."

"I see, and did you come up with any interesting theories?"

"Several, actually."

"Give me the best one."

"You're not really Quarian."

"Oh?"

"You're just a human with really fucked up shins."

Tali laughed. She covered her mouth with her hand so she wouldn't spit wine across the bar.

"For that, you've earned the right to keep drinking here with me, mister…"

"Gunn," he said, "Solomon Gunn. But you can call me Saul."

"So Mr. Gunn," Tali said, "what brings you to Rannoch?"

"As a matter of fact, it's my home now. I've helped build a lot of this."

"There's certainly a high demand for construction workers right now."

Gunn laughed. "You might say I had something to do with acquiring the land actually."

"Oh, you're a real estate agent then."

"Well I have to do something to keep busy now that I'm retired."

"Early retirement? Or just a good plastic surgeon? Because, full disclosure, I'm not really into men who are significantly older than me."

"Since we're going full disclosure, I did have some pretty significant reconstructive surgery a couple years back. You might say that some parts of me are more machine than man now."

"Now you really have my attention, I sort of have a "thing" for machines."

"Is that so? Maybe you and I should compare our "things" to see if they line up."

"Don't you think you should learn a girl's name before you go offering to line up your "thing" with her?"

"Son of bitch, where are my manners? Would you mind telling me your name?"

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. But you can call me Admiral Zorah."

"Admiral huh? I take it you're a big sailing enthusiast then? I didn't know Quarians liked sailing."

"It's more of a political position for us these days. I'm basically the mayor of this city."

"But, madam mayor, aren't all Quarians "vas Rannoch" now?"

"Technically, but many of us want to keep our old designations. Either to use as surnames like your people do, or simply to continue honoring the ships we used to serve on."

Gunn went quiet and appeared thoughtful for a moment. "The Normandy… that ship sounds familiar. Should I have heard of it?"

Tali sighed, "Oh I don't know, maybe. I think it was kind of a big deal for humans. We saved the galaxy once or twice. I'm not sure if it was ever really in the news."

"Oh I think I remember now. Some kind of special ship we made with the Turians right? Had that human SPECTRE, Captain Jack… Sherman?"

"Commander John Shepard," Tali said, "he never made it to the rank of Captain."

"Sounds like a quitter."

"He was okay."

Solomon Gunn downed the rest of his whiskey and stood from the bar. "Well admiral, now that we've gotten acquainted, would you care to dance?"

"I would love to, but you don't strike me as the dancing type. You look like you would just sort of… shuffle."

"That doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy myself out there, especially if you came with me."

Gunn extended his hand. Tali took it and smiled. The two walked out into the middle of the small dance floor. Then Gunn proved Tali right when he pinned his arms to his sides, made fists, and moved them in small circles while his feet moved the rest of his body side to side without ever really leaving the ground.

"Stop stop stop." Tali shouted over the music. She stepped closer to him and grabbed his hands, placing them on her hips. "Feel the way I move." Tali swayed her hips in a slow, purposeful rhythm, gradually adding the rest of her body to the equation. Solomon Gunn began doing the same.

"That's better than what you were doing before anyway," Tali said, "just don't try anything more advanced if you want me to stay."

"That's the only thing I want."

"Good."

Tali turned so that Gunn was behind her with his hands still on her hips. She started shaking them in tight circles so that her backside grazed Gunn's front side at the arc of each rotation. He pulled her closer and she allowed it. Her butt was now grinding hard against his crotch. Tali felt a solid bulge forming against her.

"Do you want to get out of here?" Gunn said.

Tali turned to face the human again. A brilliant smile was beaming across her face. She grabbed the back of his head with one hand and the left side of his ass with the other. She kissed him deep on the mouth. Their tongues met briefly before she pulled away.

"Very much so yes." She took his hand, leading him toward the door. Tali almost doubled over with laugher once they were outside.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I know we're not supposed to break character yet, but I can't stop thinking about your "fucked up shins" line. I thought I was going to choke on my drink."

"Tell me about it," Shepard said, "I just about got myself with that line. Maybe I should have joined an improv team instead of the military."

"That was so much fun."

"I have good ideas sometimes. And the fun isn't over yet." Shepard gave Tali's backside a light squeeze. She giggled, then stopped walking and crossed her arms behind Shepard's neck.

"So what does Solomon Gunn want to do with the rest of our night?" She said.

"I was hoping the Admiral might accompany me to my home."

"Under normal circumstances," Tali said, "the Admiral wouldn't move so quickly. But I think she'll make an exception in your case Mr. Gunn." She pulled Shepard's face to hers again. Her tongue entwined with his for much longer this time.

"Then allow me to show you to my car." Shepard said.

Shepard and Tali walked around to the back of Keelah se'Lionel's to the car lot where their, or rather Solomon Gunn's, black Cision Dauntless was parked. Shepard walked around to the passenger side and waved his omni-tool with a slight flourish, the way he imagined a rich asshole might. The door opened automatically and was equipped with sensors that could tell if a passenger was entirely inside or not, but Shepard held it for Tali to get in regardless.

"Why thank you." She said as she took her seat.

Shepard allowed the door to close once Tali was comfortable then walked around to the driver's side and sat down behind the wheel. The Cision Dauntless was as luxurious a skycar a person could hope to find without make their own modifications. It wasn't something that Shepard would have sought out under normal circumstances but Cision Motors was kind enough to offer him one for free. He just hoped there wasn't any footage of that time he, Tali, and Wrex destroyed an entire Cision dealership on the Citadel. Then again, would anyone try to repossess a vehicle from Commander Shepard?

"Is your place close by, Saul?" Tali said as the car lifted off the ground.

"It's just outside the city," Shepard said, "on a hill, overlooking the sea."

"Well you might want to take the scenic route."

"Oh?" He said.

Tali leaned over to Shepard's side of the car and unzipped his fly.

"Oh…" He said.

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 **So what do you think? Does it need all the dirty deets? Should I kick this mofo up to an M rating? Or will your imaginations suffice?**


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